If you wanted me to tell you truth of what I really wanted. What I truly desire.
I'd tell you...It's not so much a person, but, a place to take someone that I deeply care about. Although, it may not even exist anymore.
It would be very surreal...Not the perfect world, it simply doesn't exist.
A great escape is what I dream, a world almost untouched by human.
"Getting back to nature", I'd like to ponder on and explore.
But, a few necessities are needed. Like, fishing gear, a boat and knives, that would make living there easier.
I dream of waking up next to someone in that place and making passionate love to them over and over. Such an animal instinct, I feel almost ashamed to say it. Because, it is so over used by everyone. But - it is the ultimate expression in pleasuring someone else.
Just getting lost in the vast landscape with them. It would feel like the whole world is just him and myself...
I felt like that the day after New Years Eve this year with a German back packer...Although, I was exhausted as I laid on the beach with him, it felt like I was in another world in some subconscious state. I felt like I was in a world with just him and myself. But, it was really the last time I felt "devious" with someone of the opposite sex nor even slightly 'loved'.
Anyway, I feel I rely on technology too much and I just lose the point in "reality". It's so hard to define these days.
But, I somehow want to find that balance. It's nice just to have some things though.
Materialistic things never make anyone happy...
I believe I would be truthfully happy there for a while, but, then miss what I don't have.
I've seem such things happen in movies and it wouldn't be desirable for too stay for a long period of time. A weekend, Maybe? I don't know.
Conflict, cabin 'fever' is something, I'd like to avoid.
I don't feel the same way back as what you feel for me - But, I don't want you to get too attached to me. For, I guess, if I was to find someone. You'd feel hurt, maybe, even happy for me...It's a possibility.
I can't stand to hurt anyone...I can't stand rejecting someone else or even getting rejected myself.
Still, I am curious about the way you feel about me. I'm not afraid. But, it's a nice thought to feel that someone is fond of me. Someones cares about me... Someone I can feel safe with, to tell them anything that I want too. I feel safe with very few people these days. I just don't know who to trust anymore...
xx.
