What do I do if I am feeling insecure about something? Do I reassure myself, it is going to be okay? Do I talk to someone? - Or, Do I just forget about it?
Simple, I should be asking myself, Is it really that big of deal? If the answer is, no, then I've solved my problem.
I can't worry at any given opportunity about things that may seem out of the ordinary - Or am I fearing that something is coming that I least expect to happen? So, it seems...
I just wish I knew totally what is going around me. Somehow, it all seems to work itself out in the end. Somehow, I have to see myself at "the end" and see that there is nothing to be scared of, if it has not happened. That's future 'present', it's a fear everyone has which does not even exist in this present moment as you are reading this post. Now, that sentence is in 'the past'. It can't hurt you, in fact it doesn't even exist now Therefore, I am fearing something that hasn't even happened. Which is totally stupid, in other words. But, people do this on a daily basis...It seems to have become a makeup of apart of a human being; Feelings, emotions and choices...Especially, fearing the unknown - 'Diving into deep water without a paddle'.
xx.
Showing posts with label issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label issues. Show all posts
Monday, March 12, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
And I was in for the shock of my life...
I found out today that I am only getting $14 an hour...Despite the fact I can earn double on Sundays and 'time and a half' on Saturdays. It's just not good enough!
The one and only time I would consider working for a wage like that is only if I was on an apprenticeship for horticulture. At the end of it, I know it would BE worth it.
Apart from the (1) poor pay which could be worse, the state minim is $12.30; I have (2) no life after 9pm because, I have to be in bed by them if I am on the morning shift. Which means no late nights, unless, I kindly ask my workmate if possibly I could have the morning off. Which I am going to try and limit to once a month if he lets me, I would feel guilty though, but, I'd take on the afternoon shift....I need a damn social night life at some point in my life!
He understands that. My big boss doesn't or at least I think he doesn't know how important it is at my age!
(3) Getting up early is another issue (I have to get up at 4:30am and be ready for work by 5am), as I have only been getting about 7-7.5 hours sleep every night, meaning some days during lunchtime I need to have a nap...
It's more-so important now that potentially I could be getting myself a boyfriend and Daniel would only get to see me on the weekends. I've honestly never know a guy as sweet as what he is. It melts my heart. :D
Anyway, I'm either going to get a casual job in order for me to be able to earn more money and try to fill in the time between 9am-1pm or I'm going to find a new full time job and quit my current one that I will enjoy a lot more and that will have a higher wage. I know I would be happy then. Right now, I'm not happy and I haven't been since I started this new job. It only took me a whole 3 days to realise that I know have no night life.
A whole $2-3 per hour in a wage makes a lot of difference at the end of a working week. *shakes fist*
xx.
The one and only time I would consider working for a wage like that is only if I was on an apprenticeship for horticulture. At the end of it, I know it would BE worth it.
Apart from the (1) poor pay which could be worse, the state minim is $12.30; I have (2) no life after 9pm because, I have to be in bed by them if I am on the morning shift. Which means no late nights, unless, I kindly ask my workmate if possibly I could have the morning off. Which I am going to try and limit to once a month if he lets me, I would feel guilty though, but, I'd take on the afternoon shift....I need a damn social night life at some point in my life!
He understands that. My big boss doesn't or at least I think he doesn't know how important it is at my age!
(3) Getting up early is another issue (I have to get up at 4:30am and be ready for work by 5am), as I have only been getting about 7-7.5 hours sleep every night, meaning some days during lunchtime I need to have a nap...
It's more-so important now that potentially I could be getting myself a boyfriend and Daniel would only get to see me on the weekends. I've honestly never know a guy as sweet as what he is. It melts my heart. :D
Anyway, I'm either going to get a casual job in order for me to be able to earn more money and try to fill in the time between 9am-1pm or I'm going to find a new full time job and quit my current one that I will enjoy a lot more and that will have a higher wage. I know I would be happy then. Right now, I'm not happy and I haven't been since I started this new job. It only took me a whole 3 days to realise that I know have no night life.
A whole $2-3 per hour in a wage makes a lot of difference at the end of a working week. *shakes fist*
xx.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The problem with apathy...
I am feeling uneasy, because, I realised; If I am to get serious with Daniel. Then, I may have to deal with past issues. But, these aren't my issues; they're more-so his that will affect me if I can living with him or around him a lot.
The problems is he drinks too much. Anyone could consumers 1-2 bottles of scotch on the weekends in just one night is a binge drinker or would be classed as that. Imagine the effect on the body after years of abuse like that? It's a total death wish. I never stopped to think about it until yesterday morning.
I have had past issues with partners becoming very drunk and abusing me. In that one sentence I've said it all. A flash of broken bottles and heart strings in my mind, I am left crying...on the floor and blaming myself for what is not my problem. But, living with them made it my problem. They became apart of me...
I cannot handle the abuse anymore. I will tearing into myself...otherwise. No one deserves to be treated like that.. I don't want turn into another emotional wreck, because, of someone else's problem!
Nor, I do not want to live in fear of it, no more.
Why can't people just see that they're bad habits become someone else's problems too?
xx.
The problems is he drinks too much. Anyone could consumers 1-2 bottles of scotch on the weekends in just one night is a binge drinker or would be classed as that. Imagine the effect on the body after years of abuse like that? It's a total death wish. I never stopped to think about it until yesterday morning.
I have had past issues with partners becoming very drunk and abusing me. In that one sentence I've said it all. A flash of broken bottles and heart strings in my mind, I am left crying...on the floor and blaming myself for what is not my problem. But, living with them made it my problem. They became apart of me...
I cannot handle the abuse anymore. I will tearing into myself...otherwise. No one deserves to be treated like that.. I don't want turn into another emotional wreck, because, of someone else's problem!
Nor, I do not want to live in fear of it, no more.
Why can't people just see that they're bad habits become someone else's problems too?
xx.
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