How I wish for you...

I've been staring into his eyes for too long,
As losing the sense of reality has been gone,

His eyes glow bright in the eastern morning light,
A smile shines upon my face,
Holding on to the moment,
Hoping it will last,

How could I ever not lose myself with him in this place?

Simply being with him,
Time is non-existence,
Everything means nothing - And he is everything,

How I miss just waking up beside someone,
Intimate thoughts never came so clean before,
I miss the little things that I once so very adored,

Now, I hope he is that something more,
So I can muse over and ever adore.

...

It was beautiful day with Daniel...
My expectations are being kept to a minimal and I am happy!

xx.

Have you heard...It's a silent dream...

If you wanted me to tell you truth of what I really wanted. What I truly desire.

I'd tell you...It's not so much a person, but, a place to take someone that I deeply care about. Although, it may not even exist anymore.

It would be very surreal...Not the perfect world, it simply doesn't exist.
A great escape is what I dream, a world almost untouched by human.
"Getting back to nature", I'd like to ponder on and explore.
But, a few necessities are needed. Like, fishing gear, a boat and knives, that would make living there easier.

I dream of waking up next to someone in that place and making passionate love to them over and over. Such an animal instinct, I feel almost ashamed to say it. Because, it is so over used by everyone. But - it is the ultimate expression in pleasuring someone else.

Just getting lost in the vast landscape with them. It would feel like the whole world is just him and myself...

I felt like that the day after New Years Eve this year with a German back packer...Although, I was exhausted as I laid on the beach with him, it felt like I was in another world in some subconscious state. I felt like I was in a world with just him and myself. But, it was really the last time I felt "devious" with someone of the opposite sex nor even slightly 'loved'.

Anyway, I feel I rely on technology too much and I just lose the point in "reality". It's so hard to define these days.
But, I somehow want to find that balance. It's nice just to have some things though.

Materialistic things never make anyone happy...

I believe I would be truthfully happy there for a while, but, then miss what I don't have.

I've seem such things happen in movies and it wouldn't be desirable for too stay for a long period of time. A weekend, Maybe? I don't know.

Conflict, cabin 'fever' is something, I'd like to avoid.

I don't feel the same way back as what you feel for me - But, I don't want you to get too attached to me. For, I guess, if I was to find someone. You'd feel hurt, maybe, even happy for me...It's a possibility.

I can't stand to hurt anyone...I can't stand rejecting someone else or even getting rejected myself.

Still, I am curious about the way you feel about me. I'm not afraid. But, it's a nice thought to feel that someone is fond of me. Someones cares about me... Someone I can feel safe with, to tell them anything that I want too. I feel safe with very few people these days. I just don't know who to trust anymore...



xx.

No one is coming back for me...I have to go on

Like every person that gives a slight damn about Valentines day.
I wish someone would show that they 'care' about me in the emotional sense of love. Maybe, even lust. Lust is almost love, but, it's filled with such a strong sexual desire.

But, it is so very rare, that someone should ever feel that way about me. Nor to the fact; I have never been in love with someone else.

It's such an obsessive idea. Damn obsessive.

I wish I didn't give a damn anymore. Yet, I wish that someone would 'save me'. It's not going to happen. I'm saving myself anyway from myself.

It's such a big deal when I'm dating someone. Not now though. I was only ever spoil one time on this day, that was when I actually had a boy friend. Years later, they always break up with me, around Nov/Dec. How ironic...

xx.

Lust is just another sin...

It's the thought that drives me wild and the fear that drives me away.

But, the curiosity is my plague.

I wish I knew you for real. I really do.